LGBT – Olivia's Atelier

With another impending move, I should probably actually update my blog. I’ve got a long list of notes written up from my time at PAX South (which was nothing less than incredible), but I feel I should actually post something of a life update since there hasn’t been ANY content in about 5 months, despite having been to…four cons? I did finish the new graphics and galleries for the costume pages, so you should definitely check those out, but I haven’t put up any new photos.

I haven’t posted a solid life update in more than a year, so I suppose we’re well overdue for one, especially given how many changes have happened. I am still playing DnD with my group as mentioned in the last blog post, and that’s still great, even if we’re all very busy and don’t meet as often as I’m sure we’d like. If you don’t follow my twitter, that’s the only thing you’d know I’d been doing.

I am moving again. I mentioned in my Anime North post that I’d just finished moving again (back in July), but life comes at you fast, and here I am packing my things again. I’m really hoping this is the last time, since moving is expensive and I am tired. I found out I was moving back in January, and had some trouble finding a place but everything is finally settled and I’ll be moving my things later this week. I’ll be on my own again, which is exciting and a little scary, since I’d gotten so used to having roommates. I suspect Luna will be thrilled, however, since she will back to be the only cat.

I got a job? And that’s probably the biggest change, since it has drastically affecting my free time and schedule. It’s nothing big (as in, not in the field I went to school for), but it pays the bills, it’s full time, and it’ll soon include benefits. Working full time while struggling with mental health things is…well, a struggle. I use up all of my upbeat energy dealing with people (customers and co-workers) and then crash when I get home. This has put most of my creative projects on hold, short of cross-stitch which I’ve been doing on my breaks and while listening to podcasts*.

Speaking of cross-stitch, I did put some of my patterns up for free, hiding under the Costumes and Portfolios tab. I’ve been itching to do more for the LGBT+ community, and made these Pride Bees, which I then turned into buttons. I sell the buttons, but I have no problem with people making their own bees for themselves, and actually would love to see more people rocking with the LGB(ee)T. It’s small, but it fills my heart with joy when people come to my table and see that I have things with their flag on it. I’ve remembered them, they exist, they are valid. I see you, and I’m here too. <3

I think that’s most of the major changes? I’m sorry I don’t really have any new content as far as costumes go. I miss making things and taking pictures and there just hasn’t been a lot of that in my life over the past year. I’m more disappointed than anyone, really.

Coming soon: The PAX South post(s), including card game reviews, more love for the Diversity Lounge, and some good ol’ fashioned selfies

*I’m currently hooked on Friends at the Table, though I’m only listening to the Twilight Mirage right now (and, uh, the Clapcasts from the Patreon). I still listen to The Adventure Zone, though I’ve been tending to wait until the mini-arcs are over before catching up? I’m way behind on My Brother, My Brother, and Me, Love and Luck, Wonderful, and Heat Rocks, for my other podcast recs right now. idk maybe I’ll write something about them later but let’s be real I’m very bad at getting things written right now

Note: This is another LONG post.

There’s an experience I failed to mention in my post about PAX East, and I felt that I really owed it to the Diversity Lounge to give it its own post. I’ve worked in the Diversity Lounge selling my wares at three PAX conventions now (South 2016, East 2016, and East 2017), and while I have enjoyed my time selling at the previous two, I feel like I actually took the time to be a part of the Lounge this time. My time spent there was unique to that room, and has made me more determined to become a more active voice for representation in the community.

I’ll preface this by talking a little bit about my own identity, which I am super public about on my less professional platforms such as twitter and tumblr, but less so on my website or fanpage. I’ve been identifying and out as bisexual since 2004. It feels a little silly to me to realize you like girls because of a video game, but seeing Morrigan from Darkstalkers when I was 10 was the first time I’d really considered it. It wasn’t until high school that I learned that bisexuality was a thing and it had a word. Even still, while out, I didn’t become largely vocal about my sexuality until my 20s, when my friend group changed again and suddenly almost everyone I knew was not-straight.

My gender is a different issue. A few years ago, if you’d asked me, I would’ve told you I was a woman without hesitation. Questioning my own gender wasn’t something I’d really considered. As my friend circle continued to grow, so did my awareness of gender not as a binary but more of a spectrum. People did not have to fit into “man” or “woman.” Last spring I started coming out as a “demigirl” (partially identifying as a woman/girl/feminine, but not wholly). I felt that word pretty much described how I felt in my body and as a person. Kind-of a girl? But also not a girl. More of…not a binary gender. Girl/agender. And it worked, for a while. More and more I found I was just referring to myself as “nonbinary,” or “nonbinary femme,” and that felt more right. And then for National Coming Out Day, I made an Instagram post about being bisexual and nonbinary, and have been coming out (again) since.

Because asari are also nonbinary and bi, yeah?

What does this have to do with the Diversity Lounge? If you’ve never been to the Lounge at any of the PAX events, it’s a place for those who don’t quite fit the expected demographic of gaming events (cis straight able-bodied white men) to share their creations, events, and ideas. It’s a safe space for those who might not necessarily feel safe in spaces that are heavily dominated by that demographic. It’s PAX telling marginalized people that they are trying to be more inclusive. My role in the Diversity Lounge is usually to sell my things as a queer creator, and (try to) talk to people about LGBT HQ on behalf of Jay Justice when she’s not there. While that part didn’t change, I did also make an effort to talk to other creators in the room, and also to…sort-of exist as an openly queer individual at this event.

What does that mean? For starters, I actually talked to the folks at the Toronto Gaymers, who I’ve seen at a few events but for some reason, despite being from Toronto, I’ve never really approached them or attended their events. I bought a shirt! It’s pretty great. I spoke to the AbleGamers and learned what they’re about, and signed up to be apart of their fundraising initiatives to purchase special controllers for disabled gamers. And I sat behind the table and talked to the people who came by. If you Google the Diversity Lounge, some of the first results are talking about whether or not there’s actually a need for it. I want to respond with a resounding YES. There is no other place at the convention where I saw people of all genders, of all races, of all ages, of varying levels of ability, more or less OUT and comfortable. Maybe on the showfloor someone might hide part of their identity because, let’s face it, the gaming community can be pretty unwelcoming. But in the Lounge, these were their people. They were welcome, they were home. And I felt that connection with so many of the people that walked in the doors. And it was just so good. And so important.

The Diversity Lounge is a necessary and meaningful space. I’d love to see more spaces like it at other conventions. You can’t guarantee a convention is going to be safe for everyone. You can try, and you absolutely should, but unfortunately, shit happens. Give marginalized people a place they can exist without fear of violence.