An Extended Hiatus – What’s Going On?

TW: Suicide, depression, rape, long post

2016 has been a whirlwind of emotions. The first half of the year, while still containing the same undertone that infected this whole mess, feels like a whole other lifetime ago. I travelled. I saw friends. It was great.

But, as anyone who follows me on any other form of social media knows, those were some of the only good things to come out of this year for me. 2016 literally started with my mother calling me to tell me about the divorce. January 1st, about 6pm, “Did you see your father’s post on Facebook?” I hadn’t. I’d been sleeping all day. “We didn’t want it to come to light like this but…” The following day brought a phone call from my father. He was devastated. It was a shitty start to what was ultimately the worst year of my life.

I entered my last semester of my program, still keeping cosplay on the backburner, but taking on commissions for some income. I attended PAX South at the end of January…and then pretty much stopped attending classes.

While I make no attempt to hide the status of my mental health, under the belief that talking about it helps to end the stigma toward it (after all, no one has a problem talking about getting a cold), how bad things were apparently still went unnoticed by many people. Since October 2015, I can think of at least 5 separate occasions where I had been seriously contemplating suicide. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 16, and while I had moments of “I wish I didn’t exist,” this was the first time the frightening reality that I wanted to be dead was a problem.

I was in counselling. I had been since February last year, after what I refer to as “my very bad summer” (wherein I had been seeing someone who did not understand “no”, which was right before I started college again in 2014). I was back on anti-depressants for the first time in 10 years. (Fortunately with a doctor who was willing to find the right one for me, as well as offer additional counselling and insight.)

But that was it. My two mental health professionals were essentially all I had as far as “support system” went. My family was in turmoil; my sister and I were also dealing with my father’s mental health issues, as he struggled with depression and suicide. I had been growing more and more distant from my main friend group since “the bad summer,” due to all sorts of reasons both related to my mental health and friend politics that still confuse me to this day. Things were not good. I dropped all but two of my courses, and I barely survived the semester.

I enrolled in summer classes, desperate to get my schooling done since it was the last semester and it was so close. I closed commissions. I tried to focus on schooling. But then…my apartment issue. Between abusive roommates and my manipulative landlord, the mold, the fire hazard, the lack of windows or fresh air, the water damage from the washer overflowing from bad repairs…I needed out. Unfortunately, the freelance work I do on the side had dried up, with promises of contracts being pushed off indefinitely. Making for another stressful semester.

My parents moved out of the province, with one going to each side of the country. I was unable to find a new apartment, and at the end of July, I moved my things into a storage unit and was very fortunate to be able to stay with a couple of friends. I finished the semester, while still struggling to secure my placement to finish my program proper. My mental health continued to decline. My birthday was spent alone and crying. I had to cancel PAX West, despite having my flight and tickets. Things did not improve.

With a mess of email/phone tag, I did finally secure my placement, but not until the end of September, and not starting until mid-October. By this point I had to move to stay with my brother, having overstayed my welcome with the other friends and having no other options. My commute to my unpaid job was an hour-and-a-half to two hours each way from my brother’s apartment, which was taxing. I did finish the 133 hours required for my placement, however, and in mid-November I finally moved into a new home.

Unfortunately things did not get better with the “main friend group” over time. I largely feel lost and alone when I think about my social situation, and the local cosplay community. It’s an odd feeling.

Commissions: While I am mostly settled, I am still unsure of when/if I will be opening commissions back up. In the event that they do open again, the prices will be raised. While I do enjoy seeing how happy and how good everyone looks in their fukus, I unfortunately can no longer afford to undersell myself and my work, and would like to even remotely break even when taking my time into account.

TL;DR: My mental health has been shit. For the first time in my life I no longer have a family home which is super uncomfortable. Depression is no joke. I probably won’t be at any GTA cons next year. Commissions may never open, or prices are gonna go up. I am going to write a happier post later, since there have been some good things, and I want to shed some light on what got me through this extremely trying year.

Mid-Summer Break

As much as I love cosplay, I went straight from school to finishing commissions to six straight weeks of cosplay events and cons. It’s time for a break!

The next confirmed convention for me is DragonCon! I’m not 100% sure what I’m wearing yet, but I’m super excited. Keep an eye on the events page for lineup and con updates.

Meanwhile, got new pages up for Swimsuit Moon, Sora, Misty, and Inquisitor Trevelyan. I’ve got more things I still need to get on the site, but this is a good start. Enjoy!

2015 Update

Been busy updating everywhere else that I haven’t been using the blog portion of my website. Whoops!

I went to 14 conventions in 2014 and that was too many so I’ve been taking it easy in 2015. Also started school again in September, so there was that.

Been focusing a lot on commissions and Dragon Age costumes. Also decided to start taking videos of things! Here’s my first video, which was of our Dragon Age weekend shoot the last weekend of June.

Took a lot of footage at Atomic Lollipop so hopefully I’ll put that together soon. Next up is ConBravo! Woo!

Con-G: The End

So last weekend was the final year of Con-G, and what a weekend. While I didn’t spend too much time doing con things (I rarely do), I got to see so many people, and had such a good time. We took so many photos and partied super hard. Went out for late night pub food, danced until we couldn’t dance anymore, got up for the earliest hockey game ever (GOLD BABY) and just. Amazing. I also helped out with two panels! And that’s always been what this con was for me. It was that reason to go out in the winter and see all those people you only see in the summer months. To dress up and run around and just be a geek.

And I’m going to miss it. I’ve got photos up for most of the costumes I wore (SWOL Neptune, Casual Usagi, and Casual Morrigan), as well, reminiscing with the costumes I wore in previous years (Rattata, Miwako, Peach, Raven and Marceline). How I’ve changed! Look at this oldie!

It’s been fun, Con-G. We’ll miss you.

EleventhPhotograph2

2014!

It’s been a quiet year on the blog side of this website, but active everywhere else. I’ve got the Costume page fully updated, aside from a handful of costumes I have 0 photos of. I also have most of my convention schedule figured out for the next year, including a surprise trip to Florida for MegaCon! While the costumes themselves are subject to change, this is pretty much what I’m doing next year. There is also the possibility of more cons being added in, but I am trying to do a little less, just so I can focus more on school and the like.

Aside from that, my commissions are open for the coming convention year. While it’s mostly still just Sailor Moon costumes, I am also opening commissions for N7 coats, if there’s interest. Hit up my contact page for quotes.

Summer Con Season

It’s almost over! Oh my.

Con Bravo was pretty awesome. With Cosplay for a Cure we raised $1600 for the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. I made Sophitia from Soul Calibur 2, and rewore my casual Morrigan. Had SO much fun partying and meeting new people.

It is now confirmed that I will be attending FanExpo in two weeks! I won’t be there on the Thursday, as it’s my birthday, but provided I can get my Saturday off work, I will be there the other three days. Not 100% sure what I’m wearing, but I’ve got some ideas on the Events page.

After that it’s DragonCon! SO excited. I have way too many plans and I’m going to be in the parade and I get to see people I haven’t seen since last year, and some since the year before and some I haven’t even met yet. It’s going to be great.

Cons! And Commissions.

Anime North and Niagara Falls Comic Con have both past. The next event coming up is the Cosplay Picnic on June 29th, and then Con Bravo at the end of July. I’ll finally be wearing my casual Usagi costume for the picnic, and I’ve got big plans for Bravo, so I’m excited for that.

I realized it’d be a while since I actually updated the costume page, so I started doing that. So far I’ve just got all the new icons up. Pages will come over the next couple of days.

And with Anime North come and gone, commissions will be opening up soon! However there are some changes! I will only be doing Sailor Moon costumes going forward. I will also no longer be doing the round front brooches, as I still haven’t developed a way I’m 100% happy with, and there are lots of other people who make them better, for cheaper. I will still be making the heart brooches, as long as I have materials available for them.

And that’s it! Keep an eye on the events page for where I’m going to be, and what costumes I might be bringing with me. Though this is always subject to change right up until the day of.

Too much social media!

PAX came and went, and I forgot to update. But I updated DA. I don’t know. Too many things!

Next up is Anime North. I’m plugging away through commissions and such to get everything done. Not 100% what my plans are, but they involve a lot of Sailor Moon.

I have a couple new costumes from PAX I need to get up, as well as costumes I still need to get photos of. I moved back home last month, so it’s been a whirlwind trying to take care of everything. But I’m doing it now, so hopefully we can start to see some new content here.

At the very least, I’m going to try to get the upcoming events page updated. I’ve pretty much got my summer con schedule figured out, even if I don’t know what I’m wearing yet.

More updates!

Updates everywhere!

Finally finished updating the costumes page with everything that was missing that I have photos of. There’s still some photos I’m waiting on, but I don’t expect them anytime soon. On top of that, I’ve got some costumes I don’t have great photos of, so they’re also not up yet.

Specifically! I’ve put up the pages/photos for Sophie, Luna, Miguel, Chel and Tinker Bell! Enjoy!

And just a reminder that my commissions are open! Cheers!

Commissions are OPEN! (And other things)

First off, my commissions are now OPEN! Things are a little different than they were before. I have opened five commission slots from now until the end of May. Once the slots are filled, I will be opening a waiting list and things will go from there. Hopefully this system works. There’s a possibility of more slots in June, or I may just work off the waiting list. I’ll update in a month or so, depending on whether or not the slots are filled.

I have updated my Contact Me page to now include a link to my Storenvy!

I also updated my neglected About Me page with new and recent details. The pictures still need to be changed, but that will come later.

Other than the commissions thing, the next biggest update is my Upcoming Events! I finally posted my tentative cosplay and convention schedule for the year. With Cosplay for a Cure, it’s possible that I’ll be attending more conventions, so please remember this is always subject to change.

I have new photos to post as well, but those will come in the next update. Until then, ta ta!